I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
