i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
