she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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