Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
