So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
