i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
