i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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