hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
