i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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