I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
