At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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