We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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