we have pet lesbian snakes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
