So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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