This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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