is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
