I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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