Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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