oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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