He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
