im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
