If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
