I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
