There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
