4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My ATM looks so different sober.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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