ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
