Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
