I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
