Its about making memories worth repressing
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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