Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
