dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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