im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
