what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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