I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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