He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
