after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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