Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
