It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
