When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
