She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
