i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
