Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
