i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
