Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
