Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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