Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
