he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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