Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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