hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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