she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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