i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
