I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
