We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
